If you bring nothing but drama to the table, don’t be surprised if everyone else gets up and leave. ~Unknown
Do you often find yourself arguing, disagreeing or fighting with the people in your life - your friends, child(ren), mate, family or even colleagues? When you’re out at an event or a restaurant, does it seems like you always have to speak with “someone in charge”, because of some perceived injustice that’s been committed against you? Or do you often say yes to someone or something when you really want to say no, then end up regretting it?
If all of this drama seems to find its way to your front door, it may not be just a crazy coincidence. You might be a drama magnet.
What exactly is a drama magnet?
A person who seems to attract unpleasant, negative or stressful experiences into their life (usually as a result of their own choices and/or perceptions) is considered a drama magnet.
Here seven tell-tale signs:
You gossip or complain, often.
You tend to react emotionally to people including strangers, or situations.
You’re often unsatisfied with your life.
You offer your opinions about other people’s lives and choices, whether or not they’ve actually asked you for them.
You see obvious red flags about a person or situation, but proceed anyway (hoping you’re wrong or that they will change).
You believe you’re right 99% of the time and everyone is wrong.
You want to make others better than they are and sincerely believe you’re helping them.
It’s true that some drama can’t be avoided and may even be necessary at times. But what I’m talking about is the recurring drama that keeps you in the midst of mess or stress.
How you magnetize drama
The drama you experience doesn’t just show up out of thin air. Noooo. You invite it and give it residence in your life, when you constantly feed negativity rather than rise above it.
For instance, say you find yourself constantly bumping heads with your young adult child. You don’t agree with their choices and won’t hesitate to voice your disapproval. You feel justified to react with your opinion because after all, you believe you know what’s best. But rather than just listen, like you want them to, your child becomes more rebellious and even argues with you. You see their actions as unprovoked and disrespectful. But you my dear have contributed to the increasing drama.
While your advice comes with good intentions, you’re creating a breakdown in trust and communication by giving your unsolicited opinions. What you believe is good parenting comes across as judgmental, instead of helpful.
Perhaps your timing is off and your child isn’t ready to receive what you have to say. A better response might be to acknowledge your child’s feelings and offer a seed of hope or confidence in their ability to push through and make better choices. This response serves to support openness and maturity in the relationship, instead of secrecy and mistrust. Remember, your goal is always to decrease drama in your life and experience more peace with yourself and in your relationships.
What you can do about it
The bad news is you can't control other people's choices and behavior. The good news, however, is you can control your own. So the next time you find yourself about to jump head first into yet another high-drama situation, take a moment to STOP:
Step back
Take a few deep breaths (inhale and exhale) and count to 10
Observe your thoughts and label your emotions (i.e., fear, impatience, anxiety, etc)
Ponder whether or not your response will be helpful or harmful to the other person or situation
Practicing the STOP method will get you in the habit of thinking before you act. The ultimate goal is for your actions to become aligned with your desire to release drama and experience more peace and abundance in your life.
Now I’d like to hear from you. What’s one instance of “drama” that seems to constantly show up in your life? Leave a comment below.